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Commodore Dusk
11 March 2012 @ 10:56 pm
Another meme. Stolen... from the internet! This is what happens when you can't afford to leave the house.

Choose twelve characters, then use them to answer the following questions. Do not look at the questions beforehand.

My characters:
1. The Doctor (Doctor Who)
2. Mr. Ed (Mr. Ed)
3. BA Baracus (The A-Team)
4. Heinz Doofenshmirtz (Phineas & Ferb)
5. Alice (Alice in Wonderland)
6. Shipwreck (GI Joe)
7. GLaDOS (Portal)
8. Frank (Once Upon a Time in the West)
9. Grumpy Bear (Care Bears)
10. Carl Kolchak (Kolchak: The Night Stalker)
11. Lynn Minmay (Super Dimension Fortress Macross)
12. Sander Cohen (Bioshock)

Commodore Dusk
03 March 2012 @ 12:07 pm
Happy Platypus Day, everyone! If you're off from work today, well, now you know why. Be sure to celebrate by visiting your local platypus repository, or by dressing in a crude platypus costume and hugging random people on the street (as per time-honored Platypus Day tradition).

Also, if only for an afternoon, try to avoid broaching the delicate subject of egregious parenting methods... This otherwise noble and profusely bizarre animal still deserves your respect.
Commodore Dusk
23 February 2012 @ 12:33 am
Here, have a meme. It seemed like a good idea at the time!

The instructions, as written by a faceless internet stranger:
1. It’s harder than it looks! That's not a rule!
2. Copy to your own post, erase my answers, enter yours.
3. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions.
4. They have to be real; nothing made up!
5. If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers.
6. You cannot use any word twice and you can’t use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Sucks to be you, "Xavier."

01. What is your name: MATTHEW
02. A four letter word: MURK
03. A boy’s name: MAURICE
04. A girl’s name: MAUREEN
05. An occupation: MONGOOSE WRANGLER
06. A color: MAUVE
07. Something you wear: MIL MASCARAS
08. A food: MARMITE
09. Something found in the bathroom: MOUTHWASH
11. A reason for being late: MANIC MONDAY
12. Something you shout: MY TOE, ARRGH
13. A movie title: M
14. Something you drink: MALT LIQUOR
15. A musical group: MOTT THE HOOPLE
16. An animal: METALLIC SKINK
18. A type of car: MASERATI
19. Title of song: MACARTHUR PARK
20. Something you use in school: MACINTOSH COMPUTER
21. People I want to tag: MM... MUH... JUST DO IT IF YOU WANT
Commodore Dusk
16 January 2012 @ 08:28 pm
For whatever reason, my body has recently decided it will no longer sleep through the night, even if I go to bed completely exhausted, and even if I've been skimping on sleep in general. To make matters worse, once I'm awake, I'm wide awake, at which point rest becomes an altogether Herculean task. Exchanges such as these have become commonplace:

Body: Wake up! It's been two hours, and your nap is now complete.

Me: Er... I was actually aiming for eight hours this time.

Body: But why? Don't you already feel refreshed?

Me: Kind of, but I don't think it's going to-

Body: Now that your nap is over, you can play Dark Souls!

Me: I... I do sorta want to play Dark Souls...

(Three hours later, still playing Dark Souls, heavy circles forming under eyes...)

Me: God dammit...

Why is my body so appalled at the idea of me having a regular sleep schedule? And just how did it fall into league with Dark Souls?
Commodore Dusk
19 December 2011 @ 01:33 am
Wait... There actually was a "T Claus"? And Nancy Reagan sat on his lap? And he gifted her a doll of himself?

Leave it to Mr. T to make real life even more absurd than any joke or internet meme about him could hope to be.
Commodore Dusk
14 December 2011 @ 01:06 am
"Keepsake" Ornaments. Every year, Hallmark makes more. This year, I may not be able to afford any, but we can still browse the selection together via the magic of the internets. Also, you can pretend we're eating cookies... Sugar cookies, though, since chocolate chips would also be far too expensive.

- Let's face it - the Christmas Story "major award" ornament has been done ad nauseum. I'm pretty sure this is the first time, however, that we've seen a "Darren 'Old Man' McGavin holding the 'major award'" ornament. And although the likeness isn't exactly mind-blowing, this is probably the closest we'll get for a long while to having Carl Kolchak hang from our tree. If one had a powerful imagination, they might even be able to squint and pretend the ornament actually is Kolchak, perhaps inspecting the unfortunate remains of a werewolf victim (As you can tell, there is still a significant untapped market in the field of Christmas decoration).

- Doesn't it kind of feel as though George Lucas and his cronies are just trolling fans of the original Star Wars at this point?

- Okay, so maybe this is an iconic movie vehicle first and a theme park attraction second, but my fondest memories of the Nautilus will forever involve wild-eyed sea serpents and topless mermaids. Also, a Captain Nemo voiced by the same guy who played Henry the Bear and Master Splinter. Sadly, this ornament only lights up, and you can't really ride in it, and it certainly doesn't involve mermaid breasts in any capacity. Truly, 18 dollars does not go as far as it used to.

- On the other hand, the Hallmark Corporation isn't all about draining you of every last penny. They have occasionally done their part to better society. Take, for instance, the scientific endeavor of shrinking classic toys and accoutrements into tiny, yet functional form, which has saved thousands of nostalgic persons the hassle of storing and maintaining actual collectibles. Consider the miniscule Mickey Mouse Telephone, or the pocket-sized Play Family House - both fine examples, even if everyone knows the A-frame was a far hipper abode. Of course, in my case, any room I save in owning small-scale replicas is only going to be taken up by other crap later on, so you do have to pick your battles.

- Just to reiterate, by the way: Kolchak: The Night Stalker ornaments - zero. Gnomeo and Juliet ornaments - at least one! Oh, injustice.

- More Christmas Story. I don't have any particular affection for this scene, but I am rather amused as the prospect of an ornament that would perpetually drop surprised F-bombs at the press of a button. Unfortunately, as in the movie, he only says "fudge," which isn't half as hilarious. Also, Jean Shepherd's estate must've wanted a million billion dollars, because that's obviously not his voice narrating the action in Hallmark's sample clip. One must ask: do people really want to further re-live scenes from a film that already runs 12 times each Christmas? Wouldn't they be much happier with the version that actually drops the F-bomb?

Anyhow, which of this year's ornaments do you like/dislike?
Commodore Dusk
07 December 2011 @ 12:31 am
I've been searching high and low for something holiday-themed to post here, as the Christmas spirit at my house has been decidedly lacking thus far. Unfortunately, this year's seasonal memes are rather uninspired, and there are only so many times you can go back to the well with WATCH's "worst toys" list (I mean, 2011's "Shrinky Dink" entry does effectively condemn the household use of electric lamps, but still...).

So, in the end, I went off-track and somehow discovered Tentacle Grape soda. It has absolutely no relation to Christmas, but it's kind of brilliant in a stupid, Avenging Unicorn sort of way, and singlehandedly outdoes years of trying-too-hard on the part of the Jones Soda Company, what with their "sea cucumber," "tripe," and "wood varnish" varieties.

Also, Tentacle Grape almost certainly tastes better than Pepsi, so that's got to count for something. :P
Commodore Dusk
16 November 2011 @ 03:30 pm
A high of 85°? On November 16th? Damn you, Heat Miser! Why can't Southtown just have its day of snow?

In other news, I forgot about NaNoWriMo again this year... Stupid NaNoWriMo. -_-
Commodore Dusk
29 July 2011 @ 06:54 pm
Speaking of obscure things salvaged by the interwebs...

The short-lived Uncle Croc's Block... Starring Jonathan "Dr. Smith" Harris and, of course, Charles Nelson Reilly in a reptile costume. With regular guest appearances by Phyllis Diller and Alice Ghostley.

All of a sudden, those years spent watching Pee-wee's Playhouse seem like an incredible disappointment.
Commodore Dusk
03 July 2011 @ 08:11 pm
Remember the days when seemingly obscure memories would sit in the back of the mind and ultimately just be lost forever when a person died? Well, those, my friends, were the days before the INTERNET, because now, thanks to Al Gore, even the most trivial things exist and often flourish in perpetuity.

Consider Captain Zoom and his birthday song, for example. Once upon a time, on a chilly February morning in Lockport, New York, two-year-old me sat with his ear to the stereo speaker and listened as a peculiar spaceman he'd never met addressed him by name EIGHT TIMES throughout the course of bizarre, personalized birthday greeting. Later that night, of course, would come Snake Mountain and a Trans-Am pedal car, but, at the time, I imagine the flimsy, 45 RPM record was plenty spectacular.

Unfortunately, like so many possessions that left under cover of darkness, I have no knowledge of the disc's current whereabouts. At some point I transferred Captain Zoom's song to the yellow "Record Your World of Sounds" cassette that accompanied my Fisher Price tape recorder, only to later cover up most of that with Walk of Life by Dire Straits. And thus for many years the only proof I had that Captain Zoom ever existed was a brief, melancholy audio snippet ("...singing, 'Matthew, happy birthday to you!' Happy birthday, Matthew! See you next yeeeaaaaaar...")... unless, that is, you count the photograph of me with my ear to the speaker, but I could've been listening to almost anything. I might have been really enjoying a Roger Whittaker album at the time.

In the olden days, that likely would have been the end of the story, but these days, DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. Everything everywhere that ever has been is now collected on the internet, so you'd be really quite conceited to think you're the only one who remembered anything, even if you just made it up in your head and never told anyone else. Google it, I bet it's there. Captain Zoom was.

Although I can't recall what exactly made me think of him again, it turns out that Captain Zoom has been operating his "hear your name in a song" business for 35 years, and just naturally set up shop online once he had the chance. And it's still the same damn song I heard in 1983 - even his anniversary, Christmas, and wedding variations are just the original song with minor adjustments. It'd be a decent joke if it were done ironically, but it blows my mind to consider that this company perseveres after so long.

After all, the computers and video games of today will not only call you by name, but take your likeness and place it onto a disco-dancing elf or steroid-enhanced, blood-gushing karate tournament fighter... Kids can't still be so easy to impress, right?

It's worth noting that Captain Zoom also branched out at some point and created a cartoon to accompany his classic song, possibly to capitalize on the once-burgeoning home video market, and that this too remains available, albeit now on DVD. And even if the website's sample clip makes no effort to hide a 1989 copyright, it's not as though you couldn't guess the decade it came from just by watching... I think my favorite part is the overbearing emphasis on the recipient's name (which appears to have been added using Lisa Simpson's "My 1st Video Editor"), although I also enjoy the Captain's complete lack of resemblance to the square-jawed space hero image that they've since adopted for marketing purposes. Oh, and the animation is also kind of pitiful. The "Matthew" version is behind the cut. :P THANK YOU, INTERNET!

You're the big star... today!Collapse )